Eternals

Year of release : 2021

 

Run time : 2h36min

 

Genre : Action

 

Cast : Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek, Richard Madden, Kit Harington

 

 

The Eternals are a fictional alien humanoid race first appearing in the 1976 Eternals Marvel Comics.

 

A production of the Marvel studios,and set in the same realm as the Avengers, Eternals is a convoluted movie which doesn't make sense. They were on earth when the Avengers battled Thanos,but didn't interfere because Arishem told them not to. Then,it gives us another explanation as to why were they not allowed to interfere,because SPOILER,earth had to be destroyed for a celestial to be born(rolling my eyes).

 

The movie starts in the past,goes to the present,then back to 500 BC. What is it about, you ask? Well,these eternals who are under the command of Arishem,who is like a robot god, were sent to earth to protect humans from the deviants which Arishem himself created to create balance in the universe. Like,what?!..

Now the deviants grew stronger,and were able to kill the best of them, Ajak,played by Salma Hayek,whom I understood was gender swapped. Sprite was also a boy in the comics,but now a girl.Doesn't make much of a difference,as the whole movie,I kept on forgetting she was a girl,due to the style and haircut.

 

The Eternals are very diverse,it seems their goal primarily,was diversity. They have 2 Asian members of the team,a Latina, an Indian, one or two African Americans, a kid (SPOILERS AHEAD why would Arishem create robot kids?!To make them believe they are definitely alive?!), a teenager, even a deaf superhero(the f@k ! It gets worse as you realize she is a robot!!! Arishem created a deaf-mute robot!!!) and a gay one, who's also a bit more,round (we find out more than an hour in,and not just that,the man is married to a muslim,or at least Arab,man- that would never happen my guy, gay muslim!). So,now that they had all this covered,who cared about the story?

 

Right after 2 minutes in the present,the movie goes back to the past,around 400 BC,then the present again,then the past ,where Thena becomes homicidal and almost killed half of the team, due to the fact she had too many memories, for living that long( SPOILER, they were built by Arishem,they are robots !! their past memories are stored in space! So how does a robot lose their memories, or entangles them for having too many?! 'Don't Know!' quoting the Critical Drinker). So,because Thena's mind is fracturing under the weight of memories, Ajak wants to erase her memory,but Gilgamesh offers to take care of her, Ajak agrees.

 

They have been on earth for thousands of years but never helped with anything,never stopped any wars,never taught humans war is bad...

 

The team member of Indian origins is now a Bollywood actor(he's been pretending since the beginning of Bollywood to be a member of the family he doesn't have just to be in the spotlight ) So,wisdom doesn't come with age.

 

They keep on talking about the Avengers and it's just embarrassing,I would not have placed them in the same universe,as I find it awful they are so powerful,and didn't lift a finger to help.

 

Arishem created predators to kill predators,and is then stunned predators killed all life!(shaking my head)

 

Ikaris,is like Superman,he dated and married Sersei(did I mention Superman is played by Rob Stark,and his love interest's name sounds like Cersei? cough Game of Thrones) for 5000 years. SPOILER ,he's the villain of the story. For some unknown reason,he's supposed to be the strongest,and the other fools can't take him down,not even together,what?!

 

Sprite is like the Flash.

 

Ajak and Gilgamesh are killed. I thought they were supposed to be strong,but they were killed by deviants,Ajak was the eternals' leader ! How are robots sucked out of energy by living beings,you ask?'Don't know'!

 

So,what's happening now is,the deviants grew stronger,and are somehow able to absorb the eternals' powers,becoming stronger,and morphing,becoming from animal-like, humanoid.Their leader is absorbing the eternals' power and then,through a hive mind thing, shares it with the pack,transforming them,to the point they become conscious beings.

 

Arishem doesn't want the eternals to do anything,I guess,they are supposed to witness the earth's destruction,as a celestial is seeded within earth.The celestials,for some unknown reason, are birthed by planets who are destroyed, feeding off people's energy,and after, create galaxies, planets and beings(this is dumb!).

 

I don't know why, in these kind of movies (like 'The vampire diaries', 'Twilight') the characters,although ancient, always go to school!!!What is this obsession with school?!Nobody liked school!But these writers think that ancient people who have so much knowledge,want to spend time with teenagers!!What can school teach them that they didn't know already,and better yet, lived !!!Or even better, they know the truth,unlike the changed history books and teacher's biases!

 

The acting was fine,so was the soundtrack and the CGI... I felt Angelina and Salma ( two of my favorites for,I think,20 years) were wasted on these roles,as they are not big ,important roles,especially Salma's.

 

Kingo and Karun,his valet ,were funny. And that's pretty much all I liked. I found Ikaris and Sprite annoying,the things they've done,they should have been killed.

 

Eternals is streaming on Disney Plus.

 

Rating : Could have been a contender !